“Your vibe attracts your tribe”, “mom friends”, “find your tribe”, “soul sisters”
There are so many ways to word it, but at the end of the day, our besties are a HUGE part of our life, and we are so lucky to have such amazing women around us! Sometimes it can feel hard to find friends that really “get us”. That really understand why we are the way that we are. Who won’t judge us for our past, or see us differently because of mistakes we’ve made, but man does it feel like we’ve won the lottery when we’ve found those friends doesn’t it?!
That first quote above, your vibe attracts your tribe, is one that I really believe in! I truly believe that the energy you put out, is the energy you’re going to receive, and if you’re stuck in a negative mindset, then you’re really only going to attract negative things and negative people. Keep your head in a positive place, and you’re going to attract the most amazing things! GREAT friendships, AMAZING experiences, WONDERFUL opportunities. But it all starts with YOU. You are the creator of your environment, so choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with the beautiful souls who are constantly lifting you up and giving you words of encouragement!
If you feel like a friendship may be slipping away, go with your gut (it’s pretty much never wrong). As we get older and our life changes, be it from getting married to having kids, switching jobs or moving, our friendships can change or fall away and that’s ok! Sure, it may be hard to lose a friend you were once close with, but the universe has a way of bringing people into (and out of) your life at the right time. Be ok with letting go of the friendships that are no longer serving you. (PS, those one-sided friendships, aren’t real friendships anyways, and you’re better off not holding space for someone who isn’t actively trying to be a friend TO YOU and only wants a friend FOR THEMSELVES.) If you’re on the fence about where your friendship lies, sit down and have a talk with your friend and let them know how you’re feeling. She may not be aware of her actions so bringing it up may fix the problem!
Sometimes it can be tough to decipher if a friendship is real or if it’s just for show. There are certain things to look for when you’re feeling a bit uneasy in friendships, and I want to be here for you to show you that if your “friend” is doing any one (or more) of these things, you may want to tread lightly (or possibly even find a way to let the friendship go).
Certain characteristics of unhealthy friendships (from my own experiences) are as follows, and I’d suggest really looking into them and deciding on if it’s a friendship worth keeping, or if it’s one that’s better to let go of.
- She's a One-Upper || Any time you have good news, she’ll follow up your news with her own news that in some way makes her seem more accomplished, qualified, lucky, “better”, etc.
- She lets things go in one ear and out the other || During conversation, you’ll talk about something or bring up an event that happened and instead of continuing the conversation with interest, she’ll completely change the subject and not acknowledge anything you just said.
- She’s always busy || No matter if you plan something the same day, or months in advance, she always happens to have something going on or a reason why she can’t get together
- She’s afraid of commitment || When you ask her to get together, she’ll say she has to check her schedule but never responds. (many of these types tend to wait to respond on offer one, in the chance that they may get a “better” offer down the road)
- She has two faces || Harsh, but she’s nice to your face and talks about you behind your back
- She’s kind of an Ask-hole || She’s constantly asking for your advice, whether it be about a relationship, work, etc, but never takes it, then constantly comes back to complain to you about how things aren’t working out. (these friends can leave you feeling exhausted and can also bring down your own energy because of the constant negative vibe they’re bringing. Guard yourself if you have a friend like this)
- She’s only interested in herself || She won’t be the friend who asks how you’re doing or how your day has been, she’ll only be in contact when she needs something. She wants a friend when it’s convenient for her, but doesn’t want to BE the friend.
Now, of course there are some people who can have things like this happen here or there but it’s not who they are ALL the time. And don’t get me wrong, we all have our ups and downs, and we all have our own things to work on. But what you want to do is really evaluate your friendship as a whole, and the person as a whole person. Is this the friend who has a “slip up” here or there but she’s pretty reliable the rest of the time? Or does it seem like these types of scenarios are coming up regularly and making you feel frustrated on a regular basis? Really do some reflecting and go with your gut on what friendships are better left in the past.
Moving forward, there are friends who are SO GREAT, and we just want to run and shout from the mountain tops to share how wonderful they are! THOSE friends are the keepers, and from my experience, have these types of traits that are worth keeping around (and bragging about).
- She’s your biggest fan || No matter what your next “thing” is, she’s right there encouraging you and cheering you on
- She has a shoulder you can cry on || Life can get tough, and dealing with the obstacles life throws you can be challenging, but no matter what’s going on, she’s there for you and lets you know everything is going to be ok
- She knows the little things count || Whether it’s a care package when you’re sick, a card in the mail just because, or ice cream after you’ve had your heart broken, or a simple text saying "Have a great day!", she’s always showing you that she’s there when you need her (even if you didn’t know it)
- She’s understanding || She knows you can’t just drop everything to get together, but she doesn’t get upset and hold it against you
- She doesn’t need to call/text every day || Even if you guys don’t talk every single day, you know that she’s there when you need her, and you’re there for her. Even if there were weeks or even months between the last time you saw each other, it’s always like you were just hanging out the day before
- She understands frienship is a TWO-WAY STREET || She doesn’t always leave it up to you to be the first to call, text, suggest a get-together. She also puts in effort for the friendship and makes plans
- She follows through || When you guys make plans to get together, she shows up. She does what she says she’s going to do when she says she’ll do it
In the end, you really want to make sure that you are surrounding yourself with truly authentic friends. You want them to be lifting you up, encouraging you, supporting you. If you’re a mom, juggling friendships with marriage and motherhood, along with working or being a stay at home mom, can be tough, but it’s a season of life and you’re doing great! Find those friends who are understanding of ALL of your circumstances, who are ok with making plans to fit BOTH of your schedules, and who are understanding of the responsibilities you have as a mama.
Friendships may come and go with the seasons of your life. As you get out of high school and college, you may end up going your separate ways and gradually stop talking to the friends you thought were your “ride or dies” and that’s ok. You may have a new group of friends that you spend a lot of time with, but once you become a wife or mama, they may decide that your friendship no longer fits their “needs” and that’s ok too. Be open to having new people come into your life as things change. There’s an ebb and flow to everything, and friendships are no exception. Stay confident in your ability to choose the “right” friends, trust your gut, and don’t forget to keep encouraging and lifting up those wonderful babes you have around you!
What traits do you look for in a great, authentic friendship?? We'd love to hear your feedback down in the comments!
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